


Can I even do this without you?

by iwritetrash



Series: Stormpilot One Shots [16]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Dependency, Finn recovers from his conditioning, Finnpoe - Freeform, Happy Ending, M/M, Stormpilot, slightly angsty start
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 03:16:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6267370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwritetrash/pseuds/iwritetrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn struggles with the idea of feeling dependent on Poe, and the concept of a friendship, instead of the fairly neutral relationship he shared with those around him in the First Order. As he begins to come to terms with his friendship with Poe, however, Poe is called away on a mission, leaving Finn feeling like he's high up on a tightrope without a safety net.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can I even do this without you?

**Author's Note:**

> A/N - I guess I wanted to explore the idea of Finn having an issue with feeling too dependent on someone else and then this happened. Enjoy! :)

Finn really hates the idea of dependency. He hates thinking that he might become so totally reliant on someone or something else that he couldn’t function as an individual. It goes against what he believes, but then again, what he believes has been heavily influenced by the First Order. Of course they would be disgusted by the idea of their soldiers forming a bond or connection of any kind and becoming dependent on someone else. It seemed, however, that they disliked independence as well. Perhaps, then, it was more reliance that was the issue, as opposed to dependency. They were expected to work as a squad, but not to become attached to the point where they necessitated the company of others.

All mentions of the First Order aside, Finn still hates the idea of reliance and dependency and reliance, but… with Poe, it seems to make sense, in some kind of weird way. Poe is so willing to help, so glad to do something for him, even if it’s to his own detriment. Poe will sit with Finn in the small hours of the morning and talk Finn down from a nightmare, even when he has an important meeting first thing in the morning. He will drop everything (including BB-8, but that was just one time) if Finn needs him because he can’t handle it, he can’t handle the transition from a mindless drone to an actual functioning human being, because he can’t go through the change alone, because he doesn’t understand.

Poe has helped Finn to make friends, to recover from his back injury, to make it through his worst days and nights, to get used to his new surroundings, to experience all the new things he’d never seen before the right way. Poe has showed him the stars, pointing out all the constellations and planets as he did so. Poe had woken him up to watch a sunrise and prepared a picnic at sunset. Poe had let Finn share his quarters, and let him sleep in his bed when the nightmares were particularly awful.

Poe has been there from the start. He was a constant, and at this point, Finn is hardly ashamed to admit that he’s become a little dependent on him, so when he announced he would be going away on a mission for a week, Finn knew that he would have to learn to walk around the base without clinging to his safety blanket, Poe. For the next week, he wouldn’t have a net to fall back on. He would have to balance on his own, and it was risky, and the chance of falling was high, but Finn felt like he had to prove it to himself. To Poe.

When Poe shot him a concerned look as he broke the news, Finn couldn’t help but feel like a small child who required constant care, so of course he had immediately insisted that he would be fine, and proceeded to help him pack. He didn’t mind the idea of being dependent on Poe, but he didn’t want Poe, or anyone else for that matter, to think he couldn’t stand up without a crutch to lean on. After a few more concerned glances and some reassurances from Finn, Poe was on his way, and Finn let out an unhappy sigh.

He spent the next three days swinging wildly between staying in ~~Poe’s~~ (“Finn, how many times have I got to tell you that it’s yours too before you believe me?”) his room for hours on end and going out and trying to make friends and doing some training and trying to get by without Poe around.

While he was inside, he felt like he was hiding away from everyone, like a child who was afraid of the big wide world, but when he ventured outside he felt exposed and vulnerable without Poe there next to him to prop him up and give him a supporting smile. Even though Poe hadn’t always been right by his side, Finn had felt more secure knowing he could find him at a moment’s notice should he need him. 

On the fourth day, he was sitting in his room looking through the small collection of books Poe had on his shelf (even though he’d already read them all, enthralled by the sheer feeling that came with reading, like being transported to another world), when Jess knocked on the door and came in with two plates of food.

“I figured you’d be in here. I came to bring you some lunch.” She smiled tentatively. Finn attempted a small smile back at her. He knew she was trying to help, so he let her sit with him and eat her lunch, because he knew he needed to make other friends. For fuck’s sake, he needed other friends who would be around more often, because Poe was in and out of the base on various missions, and Rey was off learning how to be a Jedi with Luke Skywalker. Reflecting on the last few days that he’d spent, he knew that he couldn’t just rely on two people who had more important things to worry about than having him trail around after them for lack of better entertainment. “It’s okay, you know.” Jess smiled at him. “It’s okay to feel a little lost while he’s away. It just means you care.”  
“Jess, are you my friend?” Finn asked, looking up from his plate for the first time since she’d sat down opposite him.

“Yeah, I’d say so.” She looked a little confused at the abrupt change of topic, but not irritated or annoyed.

“Can you help me make more friends?” he asked **,** and she laughed a little. Finn couldn’t help but feel offended. What was so funny about the idea of him making friends? As soon as Jess caught sight of the expression on his face she composed herself.

“I’m sorry, it’s just…” she smiled broadly at him, holding back laughter, “there’s literally a queue of people who want to be your friend **,** Finn, it’s not like it would be difficult. You’ve got the pick of the lot, and with your charismatic attitude, you’d have everyone on base swooning in seconds.”

“Why does everyone want to be friends with me?” Finn frowned and Jess rolled her eyes.

“You’re a kriffing hero, Finn. You fought Kylo Ren and you held your own. Everyone in the Resistance thinks you’re awesome.” She reached up an arm to punch his shoulder playfully and Finn smiled.

“A hero?” He tested the word. It was… nice.

“A hero.” Jess nodded, laughing a little at his wonderstruck expression.

***

Over the next few days Finn ventured out of his room every day and tried to go about his normal business, and it seemed easier after his conversation with Jess. He noticed the warm smiles people shot his way, and he returned them, because Jess said the easiest way to make friends was to smile. He helped teach trainees how to fire blasters and he threw his heart and soul into his training, making friends with his fellow recruits, chattering eagerly with them. He sat with Jess and the other pilots that weren’t out on missions at lunch, and he joined in with their loud, and rather raucous conversations. Before long he had a wide collection of people he could call his friends, and by the time Poe returned a few days later, Finn was like a fully-fledged bird.

Of course, that didn’t stop Finn from running onto the landing strip as soon as Poe’s X-wing touched down and pulling him into the biggest hug the second he dismounted, almost lifting him off his feet.  
As Poe pulled gently back from the hug, Finn decided to greet him the way people did in the holovids Jess had shown him, telling him it was how people showed that they cared, how people said ‘I missed you and I’m so glad you’re back’ without saying a word. Jess told him that it meant ‘I love you’ and ‘I want you’.

Finn pulled Poe closer to press their lips together in a mind-blowing kiss.

Sure, Finn had learnt to stand on his own two feet, but he’d also learnt that a little dependency was okay, especially with people you cared about, and Finn really cared about Poe.

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to XyaLovegood_StormpilotShipper, thanks for being an awesome beta and also for suggesting a title for this!
> 
> Title originally from Shadowhunters.


End file.
